my technique in dealing with them is to run away from the goodbye as fast as possible. i can't bear the sadness, the when will i, or will i, see you next of it all. you can imagine my displeasure that this week i have to say goodbye to one of my favorite people in brooklyn -- my dance teacher, nicole holst.
when i moved to brooklyn, i knew one person. and while it was exciting, interesting, and enriching, being in a new city and building a life from the ground up, sometimes it wasn't. then i discovered this dance class at my Y.
the first few times i went, i was terrible. i couldn't pick up the choreography. i was constantly a few steps behind. but i left feeling happy and calm in a way that nothing else in brooklyn had done for me.
needless to say, i was hooked.
two years later, that dance class has become like an addictive club, a second family. a great class becomes even greater just by tammy or reggie walking in the door. by being split into the same group with nicole (the other one) or mallory or meghan at the end of class. the times that the class runs over, after we've recorded the video and we dance the routine, please, nicole, just one more time, we loved it so much, are some of my favorite moments in life.
i wish for everyone an activity that makes them feel the way this hip hop class has made me feel. i wish for everyone to meet someone like nicole holst, who takes on life in a way i have never quite witnessed. for nicole, it's not that anything is possible, and i do mean anything - filming a mta rate hike protest with singing and dancing on a subway train, putting together a giant cabaret revue in a renowned brooklyn art space, corralling a bunch of break dancers and friends to record a music video, dancing with a shopping cart, boom box and a rag tag band in the mermaid parade, starting a music career in the time frame it would take a regular person (me) to think that well, maybe, it could be cool, if only.... with nicole, watching her live her life, it's more of an i didn't even know that was possible.
it's not everyday we get to see how we affect other people's lives. sometimes we'll never know. but there is no doubt that nicole brought joy to an endless array of people on a daily basis. it was evident in all the smiles after class.
which is funny, because i didn't know, but i just so happened to volunteer yesterday.
the past week or two i could feel myself getting a little stuck in my head. there's been some waiting going on in my life. and that mixed with a very wide open couple of days off? i needed to get out and quick. i chose a transitional family shelter in the Bronx, or more accurately, a dance class for kids at a transitional family shelter in the Bronx.
yes!
the class only lasted an hour. we played dance Simon Says, that game where you dance dance dance then someone shuts the music off and everyone freezes, and we learned a short routine. i'm telling you, volunteering? best mood enhancer ever. the kids were freakin' adorable, everyone had fun, and an hour later, i was back on the train - smiling.
in my experience (and i'm sure this ain't no original statement), the funny thing about volunteering is that you're supposedly helping others, but it feels like you're the one who benefits the greatest.
i felt the effects all night. back home, i happily hunkered down to work. for whatever reason, i began reading one of my new work-in-progresses aloud...in an english accent... and i totally fell in love with the piece. this forty pages with no foreseeable plot will be the best book ever!
when i hit the showers a while later, instead of squealing and squashing it, i instead gently trapped this spider with the huge egg sack attached to it's back, and released it outside.
see the round ball thing? egg sack. i know!
it's not like i enjoyed taking this picture.
last week, i yet again saw Kanye West at ABC Kitchen. this time he wasn't with Jay Z. he was with Kim Kardashian. (i'm so clueless i had no idea it was her, just that she was a pretty lady who put a TON of effort into going to lunch. i could see her makeup from across the room. and how did she get her hair like that?). anyway, seeing Kanye brought on similar invincible emotions that volunteering did. i left ABC Kitchen feeling like one day, Kanye and i would do an anti-bullying campaign together. who knows.
why not think that my current work in progress will be the best book in the world? why not think i might one day work with Kanye West? kids at a family homeless shelter dance and laugh and go on (i'm sure) to do great things. it's all possible.
erm, i got off track. did you know it's National Volunteer Week. so at least, like, hold a door for someone. i promise, you'll feel the effects.
this one's for that little boy who willingly did the robot with me yesterday. oh, and you too Kanye. my people will be in touch with your people (in a couple of years or so).
these edits are murder. considering my subject matter, i'm only half kidding. i was supposed to go in and fix one end chapter and tweak a plot point in the middle. i told my agent i could have the revised manuscript to her on friday. today, my entire manuscript is, while i wouldn't call it "in shreds," i would say heavily, severely frayed.
i've complained and dragged my heels over every revision thus far (my agent loves me, you betcha) but this one is seriously the worst. no for reals this time. i spent all yesterday talking to myself.
corrie, you've been here before. and it'll come to you girl, just be patient, you're so close. and you know these revisions always pay off. and seriously, corrie, stop napping, wake up and write the damn thing already!
around 9:00 last night i went to the gym. i needed to climb some stairs (and apparently watch a tv show about butchering animals). on the way home, i made up a little song that went like this: i can do this. i can do this. i can do this. it doesn't matter how you sing it. it goes to just about any tune.
did i mention i'm in the midst of some kind of massive allergy attack? it's like my brain and nasal cavities are stuffed with styrofoam.
but today i am THINKING POSITIVE. i am TREATING MY WORK LOVINGLY because it only gets one debut and it should be tippy-top perfect. i am AVOIDING ALL MY EMAILS. i am DRINKING COFFEE and FRESH GRAPEFRUIT JUICE. i am USING THE CAPS LOCK BUTTON IN EXCESS.
i'm also taking inspiration from YAK films ("YAK is a production team of young filmmakers dedicated to youth-led multimedia production which provides a voice for resistance and an alternative to played-out mainstream media.") and these two ladies because what it all comes down to is...
a word with whomever decides that all Major American Television events are held on Sundays, please.
pick. another. day.
seriously! you know what night is good to watch the Superbowl, the Grammies, the Oscars, the one that's about theatre -- Tuesdays. it's practically the same as Sundays. who goes out on Tuesdays? so since everyone's hunkered in anyway, why not show them some excellent tv. otherwise, Tuesday gets lost in the rest of the week. my vote is that Tuesday becomes the new Sunday for television events. maybe i'll even start a "let's save Tuesdays from being unremarkable" campaign.
that way, when you work on Sundays, in a business that heavily relies on other people being present in order to make money, your bank account doesn't suffer from mid-January right through the end of February, with one constant Television Event after another.
there. i said my peace. (or is it piece?).
last night could have been worse. i mean, it wasn't Super Bowl Sunday bad the way it was this year when that New York team played that other team. (no, i'm not being anti-anybody, i just honestly can't remember who played. wiz at sports trivia? no. other trivia, yes!).
there is one thing that saves Sundays. dance class! which totally makes up for knowing i'm going to be bored off my toes for the rest of the night. either way, happy Monday everyone!
p.s. the weird part in the middle is 8 counts of freestyle.
over the thanksgiving break, my regular dance teacher had one of my classmates sub for the hip hop class. everyone was gone for the holiday though, and none of us made the class. last week, we asked the girl to show us the dance.
jaws dropped.
i haven't felt like i needed something, like i needed to dance that choreography, since...um...geez, that's a hard metaphor to make. i'm not big on needing things, since i needed to watch the last Harry Potter movie? lame. since i needed to own all the Carebear figurines when i was younger. pfft. lamer.
anyway... we begged her to teach it to us after our next wednesday night class. all week long, my thought process went like this:
hmmm, my W2 came in. wow, i made waaaayyyy less than i did last year. double dance class on wednesday. this train is freakin' taking forever. it's 1 a.m. i just want to be home. double dance class on wednesday. that drink was way pricey and it tasted like smoke. double dance class on wednesday.
and then? wednesday night. it was sometime right between this:
and this:
that from all the endorphins and happiness of getting twice the length of my favorite part of the week, i feared for head explosion. even when the double part of class was over i didn't want to leave. i went home, bought the nicki minaj song, and that's where the real head exploding problem began.
i haven't stopped listening to that song. no, seriously.
on the subway yesterday, i kept it on repeat for the whole 45 minute ride into the city. i listened to it as i walked to meet up with my friend. i played it for her back at her house. then, subway ride home? on repeat. once in the door. on repeat. every third time i hear the song, i bust out the dance.
i have no great love of nicki minaj. i skip half her songs on pandora. her style is just so...grating. but this song? be warned before you give it a full listen. it will massively attack and conquer your weekend soundtrack.
all i wanted to do was write a mini blog post on this totally cute vlogger i saw on youtube. i was going to applaud the internet for it's amazing ability to connect us. except now internet is thumbing it's nose at me.
let me back up.
wednesday night. two hours until dance class. i decided to cut the neck off one of my tees. a few youtube seconds later, i'm watching this adorable girl, Cara, demonstrating the best how-to t-shirt reconstruction ever. she looked about twelve years old (though i think she's closer to 21) and there was something about her ease, confidence and quirky spirit that was super inspiring.
it was one of those: why are we worried about the youth of today? we're/they're/everyone is amazing. watching her video made me think about all the times i felt shy or unsure or didn't do something because i was afraid/nervous/whatever. meanwhile, there were people out there like this girl, with her cute tips - money saving and fashion - who was embracing her world while bettering ours.
sure, sure, corrie. blah blah blah. (but seriously, all these thoughts really did go through my head).
fast forward to today. i was going to post the video. show a pic of myself in my newly deconstructed t-shirt. then a video of me dancing in my new t-shirt. and get the heck on with my afternoon. and now? blogger won't let me find her video.
WTF!
the bonus of this is that in my frustration, as i kept going back to her youtube page. i started clicking on other videos that Cara made. remember my recent post about normal/inspiring people achieving success? Cara joins the ranks. spend some time scrolling around cutewitch772 and you can watch Cara talk about converting to paganism. watch Cara attend the Gay Pride parade in NYC. watch Cara support a national suicide awareness cause by writing love on her arm.
girlfriend is awesome!
so i never could get that first video to upload (though I did hyperlink it up above), but you can see what i mean by watching number four in her series on t-shirt reconstruction basics.
the video is besides the point now. so is my picture of me in my t-shirt, though you know, i did take the picture so i might as well post it...
but more than anything, i gotta say for my Friday long weekend message: Do it, people! Attack this life! put yourself out there. even if you're not making the world a better place for all of us (and our t-shirts, thanks Cara!) you're at the very very least, making it a hell of a lot more interesting.
naturally, blogger also won't let me find the dance video where i'm wearing my new t-shirt. but here's the dance from the week before.
the holidays are almost here people. possibly they already are if you're jewish. but i'm not, so i'm talking christmas. (not like i'm not catholic or christian either, but hey, it's what i grew up celebrating.)
this is the week of pre-holiday drinks with friends. my crit partner (do i need to hyper link her anymore?) and i went to our favorite wine bar and made lists of january "dares" for each other. these are her dares for me.
i'm already 1 out of 3 for her top dare. after months away from it, i went to a new latin club the other night. it's fun trying a new place, because i'm always the only gringa in there. my first time somewhere people are like, "who the heck is that?" by the second time, it's like, "oh sigh. there's that tall blonde chick again." but the first time, booyah! don't ask me why i think this is fun. i must not get enough attention in my day to day.
until i get some health insurance, that skiing dare is a no way (crit partner's trying to organize a ski trip. maybe i'll go and sit in the lodge). but the others? sure, why not. it's fun to not make your own resolutions, but be in the hands of someone that knows you, and see what they'd put you up to. if i were daring myself, it'd be to have only forward looking thoughts for the next few weeks. no more, looking back.
regardless, the rest of the list might need to go on a short hiatus.
my parents are coming in two days. it's my mom's first christmas away from home. ever. mine was last year, and despite missing all my fam and some of my favorite holiday traditions, i loved the experience. this year it will be even better because i get to share it.
so as i head out to do a little grocery shopping i'll leave you with some dance!
my hiphop class was a dare to myself almost two years ago. initially, i was terrible, constantly behind. forgetting choreography every step. this past class my teacher told me that her boyfriend suggested "the blonde with the ponytail teach the class while she's away." dares are good things. regardless of improvement. i'm glad i stuck with it. i wish i could carry my dance class around with me in my pocket. whip nicole and tammy and reggie out when i feel stressed or sad. it fixes everything. and even though i felt cooler dancing this than what the result show -- and oy those roots -- i loved this song (Rihanna), loved this dance.
blogging might be spotty over the next week, but merry holidays everyone! stay warm, be safe and joyous. and maybe dare yourself to _____.
Harlem.
i've been in nyc for 3.5 years and i've never gone. commute wise, it's further than Buffalo is from Rochester. but more than that, i've never had a reason to go. sure i'd read about great restaurants. but there are lots of terrific new restaurants an hour and half closer to my house.
on Wednesday, all that changed.
a month ago, i sighed up for NYCares a volunteer collective in the city that's pretty cool. every week they post tons of events that need volunteers. usually it's a one time deal, so the commitment level is minimal plus you get to participate in lots of diverse projects.
i chose to "over winter" a rose garden in Harlem, which means cutting back perennials, planting bulbs, and in this instance going wayyyy uptown.
stepping off the train, i ran into (no, not literally) a man selling sweet tea, lemonade, and fruit punch from three giant plastic vats that were sitting on top of a busted looking shopping cart. nice. even better? a woman was buying it.
that was it. signed sealed delivered. i was in love.
Harlem might be the best place on earth. first of all, every street i saw looked like this:
so basically, it looks like Park Slope but with a Manhattan vibe.
the day was sunny and warm. my volunteer site wasn't far from the train, but i saw a little of Harlem's restaurant row on Lenox Avenue (which further down in the city is known as 6th Avenue). in Harlem, the sidewalks are wide, the Avenues are tree-lined, the rents are supposedly still affordable.
volunteering was terrific. it reminded me of my Buffalo days. the woman who revived the Harlem Rose Garden, Caroline, did so for the same reasons i started community organizing -- self-interest. the building she owns is right across the street from the plot of land where the city planned to build a high rise.
but a little self-interest in your property and neighborhood leads to good things for everyone because what in 1992 was a vacant lot filled with building debris, is now this:
three hours later, the garden was winter ready. i'd spent time talking with a VERY chatty Korean chica who was visiting the states before finishing her degree and, you know, decided to volunteer while she was here. pretty awesome. i watched enviously as Caroline chatted with a revolving door of neighbors who came through to say hello. i remember having that connection with my old neighborhood. sometimes it was exhausting. more often, it felt great.
mostly though, i found ways to garden near Felix.
Mom, be prepared for Corrie's hard sell on why you should immediately adopt a pug. they might be the best dogs ever.
main thoughts? i could live in Harlem. sure, i'd need to take more trips up there first, and yes, it's really far from everyone i know and love here, but it felt good, right, being there.
but all good things... and a quick train trip, i was back to Union Square for a friend's birthday dinner at ABC Kitchen.
i arrived at the restaurant only to find that the entire place was closed. not strange, because my restaurant doesn't open until immediately before serving either. the burly men standing outside with ear pieces? also not strange. i figured they were doormen.
so yes, i was the first person in the restaurant when the doors opened because i am always unforgivably horrifically early. and yes, i said i'd take the table instead of waiting at the bar because i wanted to sit down.
which meant that for about ten minutes, i was alone in the restaurant, sitting immediately next to......
Jay Z.
i shite you not.
"oh dear," i laughed, picking up my menu, wishing i hadn't just come from gardening and worn something more spectacular than A FRICKIN' T-SHIRT. not like i wanted to pick up Jay Z, i know, hello Beyonce, life of jets, yachts, supermodels. meanwhile, i can't even spell yatch. but why the hell didn't i bring my cool Spain skirt to change into?Jay Z would be all: i'm gonna buy that nice girl in the nice skirt dinner. or a fancy cocktail. um. no. didn't happen. whatever.
so there i sat. casting tiny glances at Sir Z and the two enormous gold chains that hung from neck to belly that would probably sustain my current lifestyle for at least 5 years or so, until it finally occurred to me to wonder who he was dining with.
i laughed again.
hello Kanye West.
nice jacket. did you wear it while volunteering today? oh no, right. just to your fancy music awards thingy.
so yes. it was quite a day. throughout dinner, whenever i tried to look at my birthday celebrating friend, Jay Z's head was sitting on her shoulder. at one point our eyes met, and mine did the horrible crikey!-i-just-made-eye-contact-with-jay-z flick away thing. sigh. and she's wearing a t-shirt, he probably thought.
i left ABC Kitchen loving this city, top to bottom, wanting very much to expand my depth of what i was doing here, work in the city, or at the very least, be a baller. which is entirely possible for a YA author, right?
change and exciting things are happening. my crit buddy got approached by an agent. my old community collaborative buddy from buffalo got published in the Buffalo News. my good work buddy got engaged. my sister buddy got a great new apartment. and another family buddy is buying a house.
and me? well, things are a bubbling, but i'll keep them under my hat until i know more details.
change. it's one of those things i contemplate forever. worry over needlessly. crave but never embark on. and then it happens. out of the blue and all at once and it feels...really freakin' damn good.
i know our lives can't always be filled with change. i know that we need stability, too. but when it does happen. when it's pervasive in the air like this, you can bet'cher bottom i'm gonna celebrate it.
so congratulations everyone! thank you Change! hopefully, i'll be seeing more of you soon.
i've discovered a word that makes shivers run down my back. ready for it?
Networking.
blech.
my crit partner and i went to a meet/greet, social, party favors, in a bar, writers get together kind of thing last night. obviously a lot of hard work went into it. so i'm not going to say it was awful.
what? i said i wasn't going to say it.
sorry. i don't want to sound unkind. there wasn't anything wrong with the event. it was lovely.
but why do the networking things i've been to leave me feeling like the last kid picked on the dance floor? it's not like people aren't friendly. everyone is chatting and talking. outside of the event, i'm sure everyone is extra lovely.
maybe it's knowing that you're in a room full of people who wouldn't be there if they were where they'd like to be in their careers. hmm. yeah that could be it.
granted, every time i do a "social" function like this, i meet a few people who were worth the creepy yikes feeling of it all. which, i hear my agent patiently saying, is the whole point of it. so i did meet a few nice gals. one of whom is considering becoming a crit partner for me to constantly hyper-link.
all in all, it was a fine evening. i'm glad my writers org sponsored it and i'm glad i went. the weird feeling in my belly for the rest of the night was probably from the korean food and plum wine crit parter and i consumed afterwords. not the social event.
you're smiling now, corrie. give it a few hours.
i just can't wait for the day when my life more resembles this:
laughing teenagers who squeal when they see me because they've followed my musical career since they were babies read my book. then we all dance together. that day will come. right?
