Friday, September 16, 2011


i'm a bit of a techno-phobe. it's not that i'm afraid of technology (so she says), i just think it's replacing too many important things.

therefore, i still write checks. buy stamps. take out library books. shop in stores instead of online. recently at work they laughed at me when i said this. in my defense? maybe i'm not moving with the times, but these are jobs i'm supporting, American institutions.

"you buy stamps," my boss scoffed. "talk about a failing institution." and i thought, "yes, because you don't buy stamps."

grumble grumble grumble. ANYWAY mix these thoughts in with an impatience for being dependent on small gadgets and there you have it: techno-phobe.

so when i dumped a bottle of water on my phone a month ago and had to get another, it took a lot of self-talking for me to upgrade to a smart phone.  i even took a friend with me for back up, because otherwise i wouldn't have gone through with it. see i have this other weird belief that as long as technology exists, it seems kind of stupid to buy technology that you know is outdated. so goodbye my simple old telephone. hello Droid.

all other droid owners i talk to love their phone. i don't use mine to it's fullest capabilities so i think it's alright. there is one thing i hate about it, tho -- the texting. since the "keys" are so close together misspellings are common. which perhaps is why they created auto-correct? otherwise, it's sol purpose is to drive me insane.

if you're one word off in what you write, or you spell a name that the phone isn't familiar with, or heavens forbid you type in Spanish, the freakin' "smart" phone picks a different word for you. a word that ALWAYS MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE.

or worse, a word that makes huge inappropriate sense. example: yesterday, as i was running into the city for my writing crit group, i texted my mom this:

Heading into the city for drug group in a few. Just wanted to say hi and I love you.

ahh drug group. where would i be without you. my mom was with my dad, auntie and uncle at the time. she said they tried to puzzle out what i meant for at least five minutes. drug group? maybe it's something for the restaurant?

after group, one of my awesome crit partners and i texted back and forth. at one point i wrote:

And when bosom asked etc.

um. no, smart phone. Bosom is not the name of anyone i know.

crit partner wrote back: Bosom? I'm confused!

or later on: i hope everyone piles the book the way Ghenet does.

or, you know, likes it as much as Ghenet does. piles. likes. same diff. (hi Ghenet! i hope everyone likes my book as much as you do!)

in a way, it's kind of awesome. there are websites dedicated to the funny things that auto correct does to you. if you have any leave them in my comments! in another way it underscore my techno-phobica because it's a huge time waster. constantly having to click back and correct words, that you didn't put there to begin with.

either way it makes me miss the good old days, when we actually used phones for talking.


  1. pssh, talking? on phones? travesty! ;)
    also, could not stop laughing last night :P i blame drug group. the lemon squares are spiked!

  2. I love this post. I agree wholeheartedly with all of it. I like to send cards. A text/e-mail/facebook post does not replace a handwritten card or letter. And certainly not a text that switches "crit group" to "drug group." (That made me laugh out loud twice while reading this post.)

  3. This is the best post. Yesterday I was texting my friend and meant to write 'hello, deary.' Only for some reason it did not accept 'deary' instead it wrote, 'hello, death.' I'm glad I caught it before I hit 'send.' I haven't seen this person in a while- I wouldn't want her to think that I was regarding her as the end of all things living;-) And, the best is when I try to type Annalee's name to Jeff. It either corrects it as annals or anal. Oh, auto correct, you are sometimes so right about the latter.

  4. haha, thanks guys. Amy that is hysterical and totally what i'm talking about! these auto correct people need to put in a few more colloquialisms, no? i'm going to be thinking, hello death all day now. and why is it always such ridiculously inappropriate words?! anals? oh those silly silicon valley programmers. they must be seriously yucking it up.

  5. also, iPhone really does not like swears. fuck = duck. every. single. time. >.> it's trying to make me less of a sailor...

  6. Damn you auto correct is hilarious! Have fun with your Droid. I have one too.

    And yes, I believe everyone will love your book as much as I do. :D