screwed

will someone please create a service that i can instantly benefit from? call it: Man For Hire.

for five bucks, you call Man, he comes to your house and screws in the thing you need screwed in or moves something particularly heavy. for the really girlie among us, Man could take care of bugs, too. the whole interaction lasts no more than a few minutes. Man leaves and Girl (fine Wo-man) does not need to deal with inadequate tools, arm strength or patience.

back up a little? okay.

my fabulous landlord bought me a fabulous new fridge! i had a teeny tiny one before with a permanently iced over freezer. it's literally been a few years since i've had ice cream in my house. how much do i like ice cream? enough that my whole apartment is now a little out of whack to accommodate said fabulous fridge. (yes, yes, it will now accommodate more vegetables as well).

a little space opened, a little more was lost. Ikea cabinet was purchased and built. feelings of conquering the world were had. but then this happened. i bought a door to go on a pre-existing cabinet and am left with this conundrum:

these drywall looking screw things

 
need to go in this un-pilot holed cabinet.

please ignore the black marks.
 i don't know what they are either.

i'm at a loss.

since there's no pilot holes i had the door (which is also the wrong size)balanced on a soup container yesterday trying to make it level so i could mark and hand screw in some holes. honestly? i have better things to do. what i need is a Man For Hire.

someone steal this idea! please do. just locate said Man near me. and while you're at it, can you create Mom for Hire. i have a head cold coming on and could use some juice and soup served alongside sympathetic cooing.