past/future

ach. it's no use. my brain is fried. my writing is flat. my inspiration is nil. i almost blew off this blog post, but it's the last one i'll do before the new year. and i can't end the year talking about slacking.

new years -- the equivalent of living simultaneously in the past and future.

does everyone feel the same way right now? a little sad to see the old year passing mixed with a little excited about everything new and fresh that's in store? the weather is even participating. the sky's that exact shade of wintry, crisp nostalgic blue that makes me crave a warm drink and a good hug. (too far, corrie. you've taken the sentimentality too far).

anyway, the other night, fresh off my families visit, i had the urge to clean house. this primarily consisted of dusting and deciding that the box of papers under my bed absolutely needed to be meshed with the box of papers in my closet.

other than proving that sometimes two boxes of papers (especially when you're a writer) are needed, it was an appropriate pre-new years exercise in reflection.

talk about nostalgia? try sorting through a bunch of papers that chronicle the biggest transitional period of your life.

i made this my first year in nyc.
pasted on the inside pages are ticket stubs, letters, photos.
all of them were meant as reminders of the new experiences
i wouldn't have otherwise had if i hadn't chosen to move to nyc. 

among the old cards, ticket stubs, folder of rejection letters, i found two separate new years resolution lists. both of them were made when i lived in Buffalo. one from five years back, another about three years ago.

some might as well have been written by a different corrie. present corrie has no strong urge to study at a prestigious school or learn to ski. but a lot more were surprisingly right on.

dance twice a week? check. become a good, confident writer? the fact that i don't even think this is a to-do means, check. it gets deeper. learn to differentiate a well-earned relaxation from procrastination or laziness. check check. (erm, did i mention that it's a tradition on my dad's side to make some pretty hard core resolutions?)

there's one main thing i haven't tackled. but maybe this is my year to get published and go on a book tour for my novel. then i'll be all caught up. which leaves me wondering, who do i want to be five years from now? since it appears i'm pretty good with follow through, and since i've already travelled to someplace i've never been (tho there's always more), currently eat vegetables (nearly) every day, and volunteer at a charitable organization, what's next?

but i guess that's the fun of new years and life in general? you can kinda do whatever you want. i'm happy i found these old resolutions. i often feel like nothing changes in my life, meanwhile the corrie of the past has been progressing into someone she's wanted to be this whole time. the possibilities that await are exciting, yet it still makes me sad to see all the things that were and aren't anymore.

which leads me full blog circle to ask, does everyone feel this way this time of year? and can it please just get to January 1 already so all this damn reflection can end? in the meantime....

Happy New Years everyone! wishing you a fulfilling, awe-inspiring, healthy, successful, and super-frickin' happy 2012.

what better way to kick it off than with a little Zooey (are you watching New Girl yet? it's awesome) and an insanely cute Gordon (guy)...