Wednesday, January 25, 2012

gut trust

is it a bird? a plane? what the hell is corrie taking a picture of?

geese migrating! january. the sight stopped me on the street. oh right, i thought, birds do that. it feels like years since i've seen a line of birds in flight. maybe it has been.

speaking of things happening a little later than they were intended...

my red-haired sis and i did our new years resolutions yesterday. at the top of my list (thought still beneath publish book and either increase my spanish vocabulary or nail down verb tenses) was the the resolution to trust my instincts more.

case in point. what does this look like:

two overpriced brooklyn cocktails? you might say. and while, yes, that is a correct answer, for me, the drink on the left represents what happens when i don't trust my instincts.

instead of ordering what had sounded good, i went with what the bartender's suggestion believing that his experience behind that bar overruled my experience of a lifetime owning my taste buds. i know what sounds good to me. and a mouthful of smoke (no seriously, that's what the drink tasted like) ain't it.

now this is a SUPER silly example. but i've been mistrusting my instincts lately on other bigger issues. i don't know why this is. i have perfectly acceptable instincts. some might say they are as steely as a blade and sharp as a dart. erm. okay, no one would ever say that. but they've gotten me this far. they said: move to new york! take that job in the literary agency! quit that job in the literary agency! definitely buy those jeans! (yes my instincts are peppy and only speak in exclamations) all of which worked out pretty well for me.

so when that little sense that just knows nah, you're not into that, why am i letting my brain bust in and go, but what if you are?! what if that's not the right decision?! give it another chance?!

gosh, it's exhausting.

so this new year, i am going to trust that inner twinkling (a little) more and then move on my merry way. no more second guessing, no more nitpicking the finality of my choices when i know that they feel right, no more doing what someone else thinks is right for me when it goes against what i know is right for me.

because otherwise, i end up with a mouthful of smoke knowing that the blood orange liqueur would have tasted far superior.

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