it's begun. i'm on the last edit of my manuscript.

after an hour and a half talk with my agent yesterday, i moved to the stage in the process of my writing, where i diagram the entire novel and sloppily tape it to my wall. it's only towards the end of working on a manuscript that i feel like i need to see the whole thing laid out. over the course of the next few weeks other slips of paper will accumulate on my grungy white wall as well. character notes. bits of dialogue that came to me at work and are written on receipts and napkins. transcribed text messages i sent myself so i wouldn't forget brilliant such-and-such idea on the bus.

i love this stage.

when i think about it, i love every stage of writing. i could just as easily say: what's better than starting a new work? the wide open palate, when your characters are full of possibility and even you don't know what's going to happen.

but truly, there's nothing like being so close to the end (okay, maybe actually being finished and on submission is best). right now, the balance of my book, how amazing it is or not, is all up to me. it's the last edit that lets you knock socks off or lets you barely make a splash and get roundly rejected. the last edit is all about finesse. it's about how much you want this. how much you can extend yourself creatively to unlock that "it" factor that makes a book memorably great and hopefully publishable. everything rides on the last edit.

intense, right?

so this is where i'll be for the foreseeable future. riding the emotional THIS WILL BE THE BEST BOOK EVER / I *sob* CAN'T *sob* DO THIS wave of final edits. blog posts will be shorter. some days they might not come at all (am i the only person who regularly blogs three times a week? why, corrie, why do you do these things to yourself?)

so wish me luck. or better yet, wish me getting it just right.

a step

on Monday i received an email telling me that Google was taking the ads off my blogs. apparently, there had been too much unlawful clicking.

what can i say? people who love me in Buffalo are really interested in online degrees.

the day i received the email i was bummed. i'd dropped a shift at work so i could write more and this ad money would have been a nice, breath-easier supplement. but as i told a co-worker that night, i wasn't all that surprised.

i never buy lotto tickets. my birthday scratch-offs are always duds. i can never play along with the question "what would you do if you won a million dollars?" because i've always been certain i'd never secure my future through luck. (and apparently not through unlawful clicks either). i've always known the only way i'd get anywhere is through lots of hard work.

or at least hopefully i'd get somewhere. because so far, i was still just here.

later that same evening, something exciting happened. after work, i had a voicemail! (seriously, nothing like working eight hours to glance at your phone and see that nobody thought of you the whole time.) even better than that, the voicemail was from Chelsea at SCBWI. she had some good news.

guess who won the SCBWI 2011 WIP Grant for Contemporary YA Fiction sponsored by Amazon?

MEEEEEEE! i did. this un-photogenic but genuinely happy girl:

does this mean my book is certain to be published? no. does this mean my future is secure? heck no. but it does mean that for the very first time in my writing life, hard work has paid off. and that feels better than a lotto win (okay, lets say better than a small lotto win).

it feels indescribably, take a deep breath, laughing for no reason on the street, smiling like a lunatic at strangers, i've taken a tiny step towards somewhere, GREAT!

so thank you SCBWI. thank you Amazon. thank you unlawful clicker in Buffalo who's been lighting all those candles for months hoping that something nice like this would happen -- ie thank you mama. thank you my amazing crit partner for the fierce thoughtful reads. thank you my sisters for squealing with me. thank you my new awesome writer friend who's gotten me more twitter followers than i've gotten myself. thank you cafe bustello for all the jittery morning fuel you've provided. thank you agent who's been telling me i had a future this whole time. and thank you all my fabulous blog readers and commenters.

hopefully see you all on the publication side.

oh and well, i'll also see you Monday for my regular blog post. and for months and months and months before anything happens with The Secret Keepers.

but until then, since i'm a big believer in giving something back when you get something, come see me on Monday for a book giveaway! a good one. can you say Laini Taylor?